Tuesday, September 30, 2008
I can't blog lately. It's either I'm so tired from doing all the necessary school stuff, or I'm so tired and I don't find blogging a form of break from all the paper work. Wahaha! Toxic 'no? Well, it's a matter of finishing them all before I find time creating a new entry. Sa kaso ngayong gabi, tama na ang papalit-palit ng MS Word ng 126 report, thesis proposal, and Econ 115 report on foreign policy and international trade.Ayoko man sisihin ang acads, napatunayan kong ito ay isa sa mga dahilan kung bakit ako nagkakaroon ng attitude problem. SYMPTOMS: pagiging mainitin ang ulo, pagiging matampuhin, pagiging iyakin, tapos in the end, pag nakikitang wala nang patutunguhan yung ginagawa ko, I'd apologize and soon act like nothing happened.
Weird 'no? Para akong meron..merong sakit sa utak. Hahaha!
I just realize, yung pagkikimkim ko ng petty misunderstandings at mabababaw na tampo, yun yung nag-aacumulate para maging ganito yung pakikisama ko sa ibang tao. Maybe other people won't notice, yung mood swings ko, madalas sa dulong part ng araw. Kung mamalasin, hanggang kinabukasan pa. And oh, maganda man o pangit yung takbo ng araw, nakadepende pa rin yung pangkalahatang kagandahan at kapangitan sa dami ng taong napasaya ko o napalungkot ko pag naghiwalay na kami at the end of the day. So my day's screwed if I made my loved ones hate me before we part ways, and my day's complete if I made them happy before we all go home.
Another thing, my favorite line since I dunno when: HINDI NA.
As in hindi na mauulit, I think I used the term excessively this time. Kakasabi ko ng ''hindi na,'' hindi na rin naniniwala sa akin yung sinasabihan ko. I wish I could earn his trust back. Magsasabi man ako ng OPO, ganun din ang ending. I don't want to be labelled as p-a-s-a-w-a-y. I don't want to make promises either. I do hope I could stop blaming myself... Okay last na 'to:
It's my fault. I'm very sorry.
TREATMENT: Roll all these things into one big heavy load
..and then drop it somewhere for someone else to pick it up. Teehee.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Lately, God gave me enough reasons to hate school. Those acad stuff left me with a stressed and confused being. Being haggard was in and being wasted was not unique anymore. I strived hard to hold on for sanity, but then it still escaped me for..uhm, around two weeks. Not having enough sleep and a whole lot of work to think about resulted to only one major disease.(THREE S + ONE P) (TIME) = STATE OF BEING ANTI-SOCIAL
And of course a lot of minor ones:
-sipon
-ubo
-sakit ng ulo
-gutom
-sakit ng tyan
-ulcer
-pangangamoy dahil sa kawalan ng time maligo (JOOOOOOOOKE.)
My social life stinks already! Siguro kung matatawag na social life ang pagbabad sa computer, matagal na kaming may affair ng laptop ko. LOL.
Simply put, it's just this: I miss hanging out with my friends. Those stuff we used to do -watching movies, videoke, shopping, salon trips, chillax sa bahay ng isang kaklase, nood tv, makatulog o mamatay sa library sa boredom, maubos ang pera kakakain - I miss them all.
Today, I realized life wouldn't be this tough if you won't let it. Don't let it eat you ika nga. Maraming mga bagay na pwede kong gawin with them kahit na busy sa pagiging nerd sa school work: puro acad stuff nga lang. Hehe.
(THREE S + ONE P) (TIME)
-------------------------------------------------------
(AMOUNT OF INSPIRATION YOU GET FROM FRIENDS)
= FREEDOM FROM TOXICITY
Yeah. I finally got my formula right. Hahaha! I hope it works this time.
Hmmmm, kailangan ng trial! Sino gustong manood ng sine with me next week? LOL.
And oh, at least things are getting lighter these days.
Next stop: my updated Christmas list. Weeeeee!
Hunnie, thanks for letting me use your pc to post this thing.
xoxo
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Lately, something's really bothering me. Of course I can't tell. Why? It's like this. Remember those stuff in high school you wished you never did? Those moments you got caught playing cards, drunk or taking YBs, or doing dares just for fun? As in those stupid lines you told someone during confrontations that you cannot take back? Those kind of stuff bothers me now.But then, it's not really because of those bad stuff today. It's the group of people I have at the moment that worries me and scares the hell out of me. I'm scared that they would find out what I was doing back then and why I did that. I'm scared because there is this huge chance they would not accept me for who I was.
Telling it to 'other people' seemed useless. They're already part of my life and they already accept the me before. It only made me more uncomfortable with my present. I don't want to build walls between me and these people I love. I can't stand distorting reality just to please them. And what made me think these present people would not accept me? Wala lang.. I CAN FEEL IT.
It made me sick trying to listen to that inner voice reprimanding me: Yan kasi. If only you told them sooner, sigurado mas maiintindihan nila.
Noooooo!
I can't tell them personal things right during our first meeting or just when I we are trying to know each other better. And no, I can't tell them now. Now that I am too scared of their reactions, too scared of what they'll feel, too scared of what they'll say, to scared of what they'll do... too scared to lose them.
Believe me, I want to tell them badly. So bad I don't know how.
There's no perfect Gelai - only perfect ways on how to make imperfect Gelai look perfect for you.
Monday, September 01, 2008
It is September already. Here comes the beginning of months ending with -ber and we all know what that means:Christmas countdowns! Hehehe.
Since we can all feel the holiday spirit, here are a few things I would like to have this Christmas in no particular order:
1. Ink Death by Cornelia Funke (Avon told me the book would be released this October..Weee!)
2. Pastel green, orange, or yellow chiffon top (preferably from F and H, Petit Monde or Dept. Store! Haha!)3. A nice pair of pants from Tomato or Jag
4. Soft black pillow(s)
5. White or black big tote bag6. New pair of eyeglasses
7. Cute bedroom slippers :)8. Customized black tee with my name (plus a positive adjective) on it!
9. Angel Locsin Wish of Love scent :)
10. A simple silver ring. I kinda miss wearing one. Hehe.There. I'd just update this one for my part two and three.
And oh...
Nananawagan ako sa charger ko. Please. Umuwi ka na.
Huhu..
My charger is missing.
The house is semi-renovated.
Our housemaid is flaunting that undesirable attitude again.
The costumes for my gradpic are still out of my reach.
I still have to finalize the thesis topic 'given to me.'
My hunnie's already asleep.
I still need to research for my 199.1 take home midterm exam.
So what's the point of enumerating all these things?
Nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Maybe a little relief through blogging but really nothing much.
I just wish I could at least do something (other than reviewing for our exams this week).
Something ELSE to be exact.
Something like making someone happy..
..Or making a meal for myself.
..Or shopping til midnight.
..Or having my hair and nails done.
..Or chatting with my best friend on the phone.
..Or watching the raindrops fall while sipping warm milk by the window.
Nice.
Good luck to Villegas thesis babies.
A LOT of good luck for the rest of us. (Sigh)
School stuff are really so 'uncool.'
We really need to detoxify.
We all deserve it guys!
(Saan nyo gusto magspend ng SemBreak?)