Fly away with me..

Friday, August 24, 2007

Ever recall that time when people asked you what you want to be when you grow up?

I want to be a doctor.
I want to be a policeman.
I want to be a teacher.
I want to be a nun.
I want to be the president.

Titas and amigas would gather around during merienda and wonder why you chose that.
Family friends would tell your mom and dad how brilliant you are.
Your pre-school teacher would even make the class clap for you.

Then during fourth year, people would question your choice once again.
(Especially those not-so-close darn people trying to start a conversation to break the ice.. Kuno.)

Bakit yan?
Wala namang ganyan sa family ninyo di ba?
Ano? Ano yun?
E di ba mahirap yun?

In my case, it was a bit different.
I never dealt with my parents ranting and yelling at me not to choose this, not to do that.
I never experienced the relief of knowing they'll support me on what I would choose.
They thought we were on the same wavelength.
They thought I want what they want.
I never told them what I wanted.
..Or that I ever wanted anything at all.

I have come to like what the world had offered.. (So far)
This kind of family.
This set of (strange) friends.
This type of school.
This unknown course. (Haha)

But if asked if I've liked it ever since,
I don't know.
Maybe because I just told myself this is what you have to do.
(With the threat at the end ''Sige ka! Or else you'd be nothing!'' Haha!)
Maybe because I just told myself I have no other option so I have to.
I could have chosen other things if I wanted to.
People who love me may have had supported my decisions.
But no.
I never insisted on this.
I was never determined to finish that.
Worse, with regards to my future,
I can't even imagine myself heading towards anything except graduation.
(Haha. If I really see myself graduating! LOL.)
After that..then what?

I should have known earlier,
That how I plan the rest of my life is up to me.
(Perhaps I do believe in spontaneity. Darn it, I still don't know.)
That things would not always be required to be that way.
That I must be able to exercise my freedom to choose.

Hmmmm.

Actually, I did.
There was this one time, I made this choice.
I would laugh it all out when I am really happy.
I would cry if things don't go smoothly.
I would go out of my own way just to figure things out.
Then I realized, I SERIOUSLY wanted something already.
Woohoo! (Party ito! Wahaha.) Thank you ha!

Now all I have to do is prove my choice was all worth it.
(Parang mas mahirap itong part na ito. Tsk.)

ge. FLEW on 8/24/2007 11:12:00 PM