Sunday, September 07, 2008
Lately, something's really bothering me. Of course I can't tell. Why? It's like this. Remember those stuff in high school you wished you never did? Those moments you got caught playing cards, drunk or taking YBs, or doing dares just for fun? As in those stupid lines you told someone during confrontations that you cannot take back? Those kind of stuff bothers me now.But then, it's not really because of those bad stuff today. It's the group of people I have at the moment that worries me and scares the hell out of me. I'm scared that they would find out what I was doing back then and why I did that. I'm scared because there is this huge chance they would not accept me for who I was.Telling it to 'other people' seemed useless. They're already part of my life and they already accept the me before. It only made me more uncomfortable with my present. I don't want to build walls between me and these people I love. I can't stand distorting reality just to please them. And what made me think these present people would not accept me? Wala lang.. I CAN FEEL IT.It made me sick trying to listen to that inner voice reprimanding me: Yan kasi. If only you told them sooner, sigurado mas maiintindihan nila. Noooooo!I can't tell them personal things right during our first meeting or just when I we are trying to know each other better. And no, I can't tell them now. Now that I am too scared of their reactions, too scared of what they'll feel, too scared of what they'll say, to scared of what they'll do... too scared to lose them.Believe me, I want to tell them badly. So bad I don't know how.There's no perfect Gelai - only perfect ways on how to make imperfect Gelai look perfect for you.
ge. FLEW on
9/07/2008 07:13:00 PM
ME
NAME: mae angeline robles gagarin.
BIRTHDAY: march.22.1988.
WHERE TO FIND HER: malate.manila.
me-ann.mei.gelai.ge.angelina.
blue extremes 05.concordia college.
ba development studies.up manila.
EMAIL AT: lefthandah@yahoo.com
''Close the door. write with no one looking over your shoulder. don't try to figure out what other people want to hear from you...figure out what you have to say. it's the one and only thing you have to offer.''
---Barbara Kingsolver
